


Home

by certainshadeofred



Series: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, More Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 16:52:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5213546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certainshadeofred/pseuds/certainshadeofred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>And yet – after hanging up on him, Liam had texted him – letting him know that there would be a ticket to the last show waiting for him, and to make Liam believe in everything that he was saying. It made his heart race – thinking about Zayn on the sidelines, watching him perform. He wondered what Zayn would look like – if he would be critical of his performance, or if he would be so damn proud of him and the boys…</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He ran his hand over his face a few times, then through his hair. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.</i>
</p><p>[or the one about Liam freaking out about the possibility of Zayn showing up to their last show]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> **_Lyrics_** : Home - One Direction

Liam tossed his phone to the end of his bed, groaning as he flopped back down, pulling the duvet up and over his head.

What was he _thinking_? It wasn’t as though he wasn’t just fresh out of a two year relationship with a great girl, and completely heartbroken, and really, _really_ not wanting to give the press more bait than they really needed, but…

He hadn’t expected Zayn to call. Sure, they exchanged texts and emails now and again- but even those drifted off as the months had passed. And after a while, they became less consistent, and Liam believed Zayn had moved on. From the band, from the fans…from him.

So, he tried to do the same.

He feigned indifference each time some journalist asked him how he felt about Zayn leaving the band. He told people that they were stronger – that he was stronger – without him. And for the most part, he knew they believed him. He didn’t believe himself, but that was beside the point.

He missed Zayn.

And until that little shithead had called, he hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed him.

 

**_Make a little conversation_ **

**_So long I’ve been waiting_ **

**_To let go of myself and feel alive_ **

**_So many nights I thought it over_ **

**_Told myself I kind of liked her_ **

**_But there was something missing in her eyes_ **

 

Liam had not always been honest with everyone about his sexuality. Not that it was anybody’s fucking business – but there you go. He dated girls – because it was universally ‘safer’, especially as a member of a boyband. He was a mouthpiece to a bigger entity, and never wanted to rock the boat.

That was, until now.

He took a few deep, soul cleansing breaths – letting the silence of his hotel room calm him – before he pulled the duvet from his face. He was a fucking idiot for sending that message, and an even worse friend for _wanting_ this to happen.

Because the boys didn’t need this right now. None of them needed this right now.

Seven months. Seven months to get over all of this. Seven months to heal, to come together as a band and be proud of what they’d accomplished under such uncertainty. One fucking phone call from Zayn Malik wasn’t going to jeopardize that.

And yet – after hanging up on him, Liam had texted him – letting him know that there would be a ticket to the last show waiting for him, and to make Liam believe in everything that he was saying. It made his heart race – thinking about Zayn on the sidelines, watching him perform. He wondered what Zayn would look like – if he would be critical of his performance, or if he would be so damn proud of him and the boys…

He ran his hand over his face a few times, then through his hair. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

 

**_I was stumbling, looking in the dark_ **

**_With an empty heart_ **

**_But you say you feel the same_ **

**_Could we ever be enough?_ **

**_Baby, we could be enough_ **

 

Liam’s mind wandered to two years ago – they were in the US somewhere, in the middle of a huge tour and no recollection of where they really were at any given time – and him and Zayn sitting on a rooftop patio, complete with a glowing pool. Zayn hated the water- even if he knew where the floor was – and opted to sit on the edge, while Liam floated around.

_You sure you don’t want to come in?”_

_“Leeyum…”_

_L_ _iam grinned. “I’d not let you drown, you know. I’d protect you.”_

 _"_ _I know that.” Zayn scowled, kicking water out at him. “I just don’t like it, okay? I can’t even take a fuckin’ bath without having a fit.”_

_He waded over to Zayn, curling his fingers around his ankle. “Maybe one day, I can teach you, yeah? Then we can hang out in the pools together.” He offered, pressing his thumb against the little plus sign on Zayn’s ankle – very similar to the one on his own._

_Zayn ducked his head, chin almost touching his chest. “Yeah, maybe.” He mumbled, pulling his foot out of Liam’s grasp. “Doubt Sophia has problems getting in the water…”_

_Liam quirked a brow. He and Sophia had just gone public with their relationship, and mostly the response had been positive. Zayn was with Perrie – engaged, even – yet there seemed to be something laced into his words: jealousy, maybe?_

_“What’s this about?” He asked, tilting his head._

_Zayn shook his own, getting to his feet. “Nothin’,” he said, a smile on his face  -it didn't reach his eyes. ”Just remembered I promised Louis I’d help him with a tattoo design. You still down for a Marvel marathon later?”_

_He thought better of pushing it. “As long as we do the proper marathon.” He grinned slightly, “You know, the real order…”_

_“Deal. I’ll see you in a bit, Li…”_

He’d not seen the signs, then. Not realized just what had upset Zayn in the first place. But he wasn’t wrong: Zayn had been in a pretty serious relationship with Perrie, and he’d finally gone steady with Sophia – and while yes, Liam liked girls _and_ guys: Zayn had never given indication he even liked guys.

And really, Liam had only told a handful of people that he also liked guys.

This was all really messed up.

 

**_And it’s alright_ **

**_Calling out for somebody to hold tonight_ **

**_When you’re lost, I’ll find the way_ **

**_I’ll be your light_ **

**_You’ll never feel like you’re alone_ **

**_I’ll make this feel like home_ **

 

It wasn’t until halfway through the next day that Louis had cornered him.

It was in between interviews for the new album, and Liam had just finished pouring a little milk into his tea. Louis came to stand in front of him, arms crossed in front of his chest, his bright blues narrowed ever so slightly.

Liam sighed, picking up his tea and blowing on it. “Yes, Tommo?”

“Something is different with you. I can sense it.”

Fuck. Really? Louis was like a damn bloodhound. “What?”

“You’re different!” Louis exclaimed. “Did you have sex?”

“Fuck off, Lou.” He groaned. “No.”

“Masturbate? Always best after a break up, I reckon.”

“No.” Liam hissed, a blush rising from his chest. “Just – leave it be, Tommo. At least for now.” He continued, taking a sip of his tea. Last thing he wanted to do was discuss his sex life with Louis – right this moment, anyway.

“I’m going to find out.” Louis warned. “And you’re probably not going to like the way I do.”

Liam grinned at that. “Good luck with that.”

They continued like that for the rest of the day: Louis trying desperately to figure out what had changed in Liam, and Liam doing everything in his power to dodge questions about his personal life from both reporters and his nosey-ass-bandmate. And it wasn’t like he didn’t want to tell Louis: it was just – there was too much going on right this very moment to justify throwing this wrench into the machine.

He was protecting them all.

It wasn’t until _after_ the show that he spilled everything to Harry.

(Louis was going to kill him)

 

**_So hot that I couldn’t take it_ **

**_Want to wake up and see your face_ **

**_And remember how good it was to be here last night_ **

****

**_Still high with a little feeling_ **

**_I see the smile as it starts to creep in_ **

**_It was there, I saw it in your eyes_ **

****

“So…” Harry drawled, drawing long fingers against his lips in thought. “Zayn calls you two days ago in the middle of the night, to tell you that he left the band – not just because of stress and anxiety – but because he’d fallen in love with you along the way, and didn’t want to muck up your friendship?”

Liam nodded – as best he could, given his head was pressed against his knees – and pushed a shaky breath out from between pursed lips.

“And now you’ve invited him to the last show of the tour – our tour - he quit back in March to…what, exactly?”

He picked at a thread that stuck right out on his frayed jeans. He knew he could talk to Harry about this, because most of the time, Harry kept a level head. He was the kind of person to take every facet of information, and process it, before giving his opinion. If this was Louis – he would never hear the end of it.

“I don’t know, actually. I just told him to make me believe.”

Harry pushed a hand through his long hair, shaking it once before fluffing it out. “And you didn’t realize he liked you until now.”

Liam looked up, brow furrowed. “No, not until…wait, what? Did you know something?”

“Me? No.” Harry grinned, looking somewhat like the cat that ate the canary. “Well, not really – mostly just inklings, feelings – nice to know I was right for once.” He leaned back in his chair, folding his hands in his lap. “Do you think he’s going to come?”

“I don’t know, Haz. He’s in L.A. working. I doubt he’d just randomly drop everything he’s doing to come to Sheffield. I really didn’t think this through.” Liam replied, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

He could hear Harry laugh, and a hand came to rest on his shoulder, giving him a firm squeeze. “I think I worded that wrong: do you _want_ him to come?”

Did he? He had spent the rest of last night thinking about everything that had occurred between him and Zayn over the past five years: from the late night chats to the day at McDonalds, to the infamous kiss that honestly ‘ _it was just a thing that happened_ ’ – and he wondered how he had been so daft.

How had he never noticed the little touches, or the way Zayn looked at him during certain songs while they were singing on stage? The way Zayn’s eyes always seemed to darken just that little bit any time Liam mentioned Dani or Sophia? The way Zayn would _always_ call him first when they had days off, just to see if he wanted to hang out…

Had he really been that oblivious?

He pulled his hands away from his face and straightened up, looking at Harry. His eyes felt raw, watery, and he huffed out a breath. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

 

**_I was stumbling, looking in the dark_ **

**_With an empty heart_ **

**_But you say_ **

**_You feel the same_ **

**_Could we ever be enough?_ **

**_Baby, we could be enough_ **

 

**_And it’s alright_ **

**_Calling out for somebody to hold tonight_ **

**_When you’re lost, I’ll find the way_ **

**_I’ll be your light_ **

**_You’ll never feel like you’re alone_ **

**_I’ll make this feel like home_ **

 

**_I’ll make this feel like home_ **

 

Saturday creeped up on him a little too quickly for his liking. He had made Harry swear to whatever deity he was interested in this week that he’d not say anything to anyone – at least not until he and Zayn worked things out. Otherwise Harry would be getting a haircut.

And it wasn’t as though Liam was entirely sure that Zayn was going to be there. He’d not heard from him since that phone call, and it didn’t do anything to ease the stress he felt about the whole situation. Yet – as always – he buried his emotions and stress deep beneath the surface of his being, and put on a good face. No one – with the exception of the green eyed, curly haired beanstalk – knew what was going on.

Even Louis was oblivious. Liam was sure he’d actually forgotten he’d had a conversation with him about this no more than 3 days ago. It wouldn’t surprise him.

It was Halloween, and the boys had all taken to wearing silly costumes around the venue. They had told everyone coming to the last show to come in fancy costumes – they were going to make this one count: end the tour with a bang! Liam was glad he’d kept that caterpillar costume, as he was sat with a few little ones from Make a Wish during the meet and greet, and they were in fits and giggles while he spoke with them and took photos. It warmed his heart.

Once meet and greet was over, Liam stood in the green room, still wearing the stupid caterpillar costume, as he thumbed through twitter. There were so many messages of thank you and how proud the fans were of them, and despite everything going on, it made Liam feel _good_. They really had accomplished so much, faced so much adversity – and still managed to pull through. Five years of touring, of endless plane rides and lonely nights. Five years with some of the best lads on the planet – he’d not give it up for anything.

He felt someone poke him on the forehead, and he glanced up to see Harry standing in front of him. He was wearing some ridiculous felt frog head that had a crown on it, and fastened under his chin. Fuck, he’d miss this kid.

“Any word from the dark knight?” Harry asked, quirking a brow.

Liam caught his lower lip between his teeth for a moment. “No. And it’s getting close to showtime. I don’t know if he’s coming, Haz…”

Harry put his hands on Liam’s shoulders and shook him lightly. “Don’t do that. Have faith. I do. He’ll be here.” He said, grinning. “You have to remember: he was the one who called you. And you gave him a challenge: he was never one to back down from one of those.”

“You know, it’s really hard to take either of us seriously right now,” Liam snorted, adjusting his costume. “But thanks, mate. I do hope you’re right.”

“When have I ever been wrong?” Harry asked, a little put out. “And I think I look quite dapper, so excuse you, Liam.”

-

The last show of any of the tours they’d done were usually full of emotions – but this one just seemed to have everyone amped up. He listened to Harry’s voice break during his little speech about how _amazing_ everyone and everything had been during not only this past year, but all the years before- watched Niall tear up during _the first song of the night_ – even Lou got emotional while introducing No Control.

It was electric and Liam was taking it all in, caught up in the moment.

They were all sat near the start of the catwalk, with Harry and him, then Niall and Lou. Niall had a guitar in his hands, tuning it while he talked to the crowd. Liam put his mic between his knees and pulled his phone from his pocket to take a photo of this very moment. He aimed it to the left side first, and just as he was about to snap it off, he noticed someone down in the corner of his screen.

They were wearing a green lantern costume – dark hair done up in a quiff, and a mask covering their eyes. Liam’s breath caught and he froze, almost dropping his phone in the process. He took the photo and put his phone down, squinting into the light, but the person was gone.

Liam nudged Harry a few times, and thrust his phone at him, pointing to the photo. He watched as Harry lifted it to his face to look at the screen, then slanted his gaze to Liam. ' _Zayn_?’ Harry mouthed, quirking a brow.

Liam shrugged. Maybe he was going crazy. Maybe this was the tour that finally did him in. He could see the headlines now: “One Direction singer loses it by running off stage to chase imaginary man in green lantern costume’…

He spent the rest of the show trying to push the idea of Zayn really being here out of his mind. He sang louder, danced harder – he even _swore_ (much to the chagrin of his mum, and the absolute _delight_ of Louis), but he didn’t care. This was going to be the best show: one everyone was going to remember.

He loved watching the crowd sing along to every song. He loved watching his own father lead a conga line around the family and friends section during 'Act My Age’: so much so that they sang the chorus over and over again.

And when they hugged each other on stage with Louis yelling ‘we fuckin’ did it, lads!’ into his ear, his heart was bursting with love and pride. _This_ is how he wanted them to go out – not with a whimper, but a big fucking bang.

It was done. The tour was over. Part of him was elated – another part of him was sad: there really wasn’t anything like touring- it was certainly an experience, and you had to take the bad with the good. He took the towel that Paddy offered him as he ran down the hallway towards the dressing room.

“15 minutes, Payno – have to be to the vans in 15, alright?” Paddy called as Liam went to turn the handle to his room.

“Yeah Paddy, I’ll be there in a mo…”

He stopped mid-sentence as he swung his door open, and there – in the middle of the room, stood Zayn. Costume and all. A warmth flooded through him, starting from his chest, working its way outward, and he blinked a few times, as if he was trying to take mental pictures of this moment.

 

**_Baby, we could be enough_ **

 

“Vas happenin’, Leeyum…” Zayn mumbled quietly, his fingers tangling around one another.Liam stepped into the room, and closed the door behind him. He locked it for good measure: last thing he needed was Louis or Niall barging in on his moment. He was still soaked through, his black t-shirt clinging to his chest, his hair flat against his forehead. He looked like a god-damn drowned rat, while Zayn –

Zayn looked perfect.

“You were always it for me, Li.” Zayn said, his voice wobbly. “It’s just – I never realized that it was love, because it felt like something more than love, yeah? Like, it’s always felt different between us. I just – I never knew how to explain it proper. And I probably sound like a right idiot…”

Liam weaved around the couch and came to stand in front of him, a little smile on his face. He reached up and hooked his thumbs onto the mask covering Zayn’s eyes, pulling it up until it came off. He tossed it onto the table beside them, and searched those brown eyes - the colour of coffee with just the right amount of cream, with flecks of gold and amber thrown in for good measure – before he licked over his lips and took a cleansing breath.

“You don’t sound like an idiot.” He murmured, cheeks going pink. “You make perfect sense. I didn’t even realize what this feeling was, not until we talked a few days ago. Is there a word bigger than love?”

Zayn stepped in closer, his fingers coming to catch Liam’s own. Liam felt another type of warmth spread through him. This was a feeling of security, of calm and serenity. It was love and happiness and….

“Home. It feels like home.” Zayn whispered, squeezing Liam’s fingers gently.

 

**_It’s alright_ **

**_Calling out for somebody to hold tonight_ **

**_When you’re lost, I’ll find the way_ **

**_I’ll be your light_ **

**_You’ll never feel like you’re alone_ **

 

Liam smiled wide, before pulling Zayn in so that they were pressed together. He tilted his head slightly, and caught Zayn’s lips with his own, kissing him softly, their fingers still linked at their sides. The kiss was warm, and tentative – nothing like that first kiss they’d shared so long ago. This held promise and love, and Liam smiled against Zayn’s mouth before pulling back. 

It was amazing, that after all this time- it just seemed to come together. Liam had never realized what he was looking for, until it was right there in front of him. And all he wanted to do now was sink into this feeling and let it grow. Zayn was it – and finally he knew why.

“Home.” He replied.

 

**_I’ll make this feel like home._ **


End file.
